Tempo Talk

Well, we did it. Richard and I met at 5:00am in the usual place to do the usual thing, run fast! It started off hot. I felt great to begin, then suddenly became very aware of how tired I am. I am greatful for Richard who always keeps me on track, as I complain and tell him at mile 2 that I have nothing left to give in my legs. He says, "Ohhhh, I don't think that is true, let's keep going." In my mind I groan (at least hope it was only in my head), and keep going. We started off very fast, clicking mile 1 at 8:34 (minutes:seconds), mile 1.5 at 13:25, mile 2 19:something, and mile 3 at 36:00?? You may ask, what happened. Well, we climb this hill I dread everytime I see it and my legs are shot. We shuffled on to the turn around and at this point my shoelaces are even exhausted. I tied my keys to them and they wouldn't stay tied. Thankfully there is Richard, who just says I will take them for you. I laugh now to think that I was such a pill this morning. I have not fully recovered from the 17.5 mile run on Sunday. It shouldn't take a brain surgeon to figure this one out, but we marathoners refuse to face the truth. There is this moving target we are always striving for. We talked today about this balance of having effort to give and holding back compared to having nothing left to give because there is just nothing there. What an illusive idea. It sounds sort of like talking in circles. I wanted to give everything I had today, and I did. We finished the 5 miles in a snail pace of 12 minute miles (about 2 minutes per mile longer than I wanted to finish). I am momentarily angry because I look at my watch to see 1 hour. It is like my watch is laughing at me these days, saying you won't ever look at me and be pleased with your time. This is of course only Satan giving me self doubt. I push him and it away just as quickly as I heard him. When I am very tired or fatigued, I am more likely to pay attention to what he has to say. I decided that there is not enough time for that garbage. There are too many things I have to do today. If I listen, I will end up frustrated, unmotivated and very sad; not to mention on the couch for the rest of the day. I am a phenomenonal woman who is capable of doing anything I set my mind to, even if it seems unrealistic at first. I have to keep my eyes on where I want to go and the rest will follow. I believe that. We also talked about these friends of Richard and Diane (his wife) who are the metaphysical types. (Not like hippies, but spiritual in a different way). They believe that the universe always will tell you yes. If you go into something with self doubt and a negative attitude, then the universe will say yes. If you say that I am not going to be successful at running, losing weight...(you fill in your own blank) then the universe will agree with you. It is like a self-fulfilling prophesy, only with a metaphysical twist. So today and the days to follow I will think about this as I groan to get up in the morning and think what am I doing this for? I have a purpose. I will achieve and carry out the plan God has set before me and not listen to the white noise of Satan that is at times very loud. With the help of my dear friends and a whole heck of a lot of grace I will achieve all of the things I dream of.
Blog on friends!!