Running Log

Well, I needed some rest hence my delay in reporting about the run. It started off well. The humidity was awful right from the beginning (at 5 am). We were scheduled for a 23 mile run. Susan and I met at 5 to start our 2 mile walking warm up followed by a 21 mile run. The entire course was uphill. How is this possible? I have no idea but it was and it was hell. I thought I might try running the course in reverse to help with this. It did not really make a difference. Right from the start the drivers in Flower Mound were horrible. Before we ever reached the 3 mile mark, we had already been yelled at. I was angry. The passengers yelled "get on the sidewalk". My response to that was what side walk? I would if there was one. I thought "idiot" and went on. As the run progressed I thought could I only be half way finished? At mile 10, I thought surely the torture was almost over. My legs were shot. This is a normal response to hills. The humidity was increasingly torturous. I kept going. I was also getting very angry. I am not sure at what (the hills, the humidity, my self, the cars and drivers around me?). Well, probably about 15 miles or so into the run, I am running along the very edge of a road. This was back country road, not 2499, there were no sidewalks. This SUV came very close to hitting me. I was watching and ran off the road and into the ditch, by the way it was sort of a quick drop off so I basically had no where to go. The driver honked at me. The very next car came so close to me she hit me with her side mirror. I was so angry and terrified. Her mirror actually folded in. After she drove off (we shared words for a short bit), I called my husband in histerics. I was exhausted and scared. He was so wonderful in calming me down, but I knew I had to finish. I just began walking. I learned a few things during this run: 1) I can become a very angry person very quickly, 2) I learned how to give up, 3) I don't do well when I am very scared. I finished walking. I don't think I finished the 23 miles. I gave up. I stopped running. I shut down. It took me 5 hours. Not much better than what we did last year. I am very sore today and slightly discouraged. I am full of doubt and self questioning. This is the last month before the race. This sort of thing is supposed to happen. Unfortunately for me, my partner finished in a stellar time. She did so well. I am so excited for her. It is unfortunate for me because it just adds more questioning for me. What is wrong with me? Why can't I run hills? Why am I crapping out so easily? Will I do better this year than last? What is all of the hard training for if I end up in the same place I was in last year? Well the self loathing, pity and whining is over with. Everyone has bad training runs. I am strong enough to complete the race. I know I will do well. That training run is in the past. I can learn from it and move forward with the rest of the training. I am glad I got that "bad run" over with so that it doesn't come up at the race.
Blog on friends!!